Dirt. Seed. Rain. Sun. Growth.

Man or not - dirt is. seeds drop. rain falls. sun shines. and LIFE emerges.

It is raining outside today. As I look at the grass, it seems greener. God’s process for growth has existed since the start of time. In Matthew, Jesus uses the story of a seed to describe how God changes, forms, grows a spiritual human heart.

Heart=Dirt. Seed=Bible. Rain/Sun=Environment. God=Gardener.

How willing are we to trust the Gardener? Do we allow the Gardener the permission to work in our heart?

How receptive are we to the seed? How do we invite the teaching of the Bible into our heart?

How hard do we try and control what only God can do?

God, as a Father who loves us, and a Gardener who can create life out of a dark, dirty heart - break through the hardness of my heart. Push the truth and teachings of the Bible deep within my heart so that as the sun shines and even when the rains and storms come - LIFE/Growth will emerge out of me. I want you to be the Gardener - taking dirt and bringing it to life.

1. Ben, Just the message I needed today as I sat at my computer crying and trying to cope and distract myself from some heavy challenges in my life. Briefly, I am permanently disabled with a traumatic brain injury and numerous neuromuscular problems from a motorcycle accident on my honeymoon almost 8 years ago. One year into the marriage I found out about two affairs my husband was having with my hairdresser and his mother’s nurse. He moved out for two months and left me with no means of support, and I relied on wonderful family and friends to assist. After much discussion, he agreed to come home and work on things. Then about one year later, during court testimony, my husband admitted to giving me novelty helmet that he “doctored” to look real by making a Department of Transportation sticker on his computer and affixing it with clear finger nail polish. My reading ability has been drastically changed from my injuries and reading the Bible was all that made sense to me during those times. It didn’t matter if my brain would skip all over the text, or if I would start at the middle and read from right page to left, it still made perfect sense to my severely injured brain. I knew that God wanted me to do all I could to help my husband and to make this marriage work. I am still permanently disabled and two years ago my husband started divorce proceedings. We still are not divorced and he has done everything possible to ruin my son’s life (he is 15) and mine. Unbelievable things, that almost scare me that are possible for a person, especially one that calls himself Christian and in involved at church. I know though, that all that is happening is that he is ruining his own life with his deceit and conning. Today, I once again, told God that I am at the end of my coping. I need relief. So many times in the past 8 years I asked God for strength and He has always provided. Sometimes, at the very last second when I felt totally doomed, but He always provided. I am financially ruined and everything I worked so hard for years as single mom have now been taken from me by my husbands deceit. But, the other day, when a transaction come in with just one cent over what was needed, I thought, you will always provide just enough God. I cannot work and rely on my SS disability now, until court issues can be worked out. But, what I truly rely on is God. The hardest part is the total lack of humility on my husband’s part for my health issues and the mess he has created. He is still a church going, volunteering guy on the surface, but the demons within him have wrecked havoc on my entire family. I pray for him, as hard as it is, because no matter how dark my days are, being him has to be even darker. After 7 years at Cedar Creek he hasn’t learned to be a gardener. God has given him plenty of seeds that he has discarded. Allowing the Gardener to work in our heart is the key. I am blessed in so many ways and am grateful that my heart has not become hardened so I am able to forgive, to learn and to grow as God intends for me. My purpose in life is unfolding with every breath I take. And, I take every moment as a gift and realize how precious life is.

   Comment by Pam Howe` — May 6, 2008 @ 11:39 am

2. Wow Pam. It sounds like the process of growth and change have included some difficult times. My heart breaks for your story - and yet, I hear hope in your words. Only the Gardner can produce life out of things like that. Thanks for sharing.

   Comment by Ben Snyder — May 6, 2008 @ 1:20 pm

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